Nowadays, there is no need for us to see or call a person to know what they are up to; all we have to do is get our devices and log in to our social media accounts and read their statuses. But sometimes, no matter how hard we try to post our very own status, we can’t seem to put the right words together. No need for you to worry; we got your back.
Check out our list of awesome statuses that you can use to express what you feel like posting.
So you don’t like me? Great, because my mother didn’t give birth to me to impress you.
People thought I ate a lot, that’s why I’m fat. The only reason my body is fat is that a petite body won’t store all my extraordinary personality.
I’m supposed to rob a bank today, but the pen was tied to the teller’s window.
Do you want to know if a family member trusts you? Hide the remote and sit on it. When someone looks for it and asks if you are sitting on it, say No. He depends on you if he doesn’t let you stand up.
Mothers are known to be good at finding anything, well, except for their eyeglasses sitting on the top of their heads.
When God showered the world with good looks, I bet I must be sleeping or using the bathroom.
At school, May I go to the toilet? Usually means I will go to the cafeteria to buy a snack because I’m hungry and bored.
I thought all I needed was romantic love, then my inner self shouted at me, you don’t need love, idiot. All you need is food because food is love.
As I was about to put on my brand new Versace custom dress early this morning, my alarm woke me up.
I woke up this morning to find the gorgeous human God has created; he is in my mirror looking right at me.
My mother said, Don’t drink and drive, honey. Well, yesterday, I was drinking Coke while riding our lawnmower. Yeah. I rock! I’m badass!
I’m envious of my parents; why? I will never have a kid as awesome as theirs.
I’m the gal who’s still waiting for my right pal.
Silence is the best response if you’re not sure whether a person is talking to you or not to avoid awkward moments. I just learned it like five minutes ago. Okay fine! I experienced it five minutes ago.
I’m happy but guess what? You are not the reason anymore.
A single tear is made up of 1% hydrogen and 99% mixed and unexplainable emotions.
They said I don’t have manners. I do have manners; the only thing is that they don’t like it.
It is not my attitude; it is just the way I am.
If you can’t handle my personality, then stop insulting my humanity.
If you are not a judge, then stop judging me.
Arguing with an idiot is a big no because he will drag you down to his rotten level and beat you with experience.
Who does better research than the FBI and CIA combined? A jealous girlfriend or a wife.
Life is short indeed. So smile and be happy until you run out of teeth.
Driving to McDonald’s to eat some salad is like hiring a prostitute to give you a warm hug.
There were only two reasons why I always get myself into an argument. First is the tone of my voice; second is my facial expression.
Stop acting like you freaking know everything. Even Google can’t give answers to everything.
Some people in this world need a high five in the face with a hammer.
The moment when you are about to tell a funny story to your friends but can’t finish it because you are laughing too hard and your friends are like, What the hell is wrong with you?
The cloud nine feelings when you post a status hoping that a particular person can read it and so happen that person is the first to like and comment on your status.
In our lives, everything happens for a reason, and one of the reasons could be is that life is preparing us for something bigger that is yet to arrive.
A picture is the only thing that never changes, even if the people in it do.
The most honest and best conversations always happen late at night after a case of beer.
I have a thing for crazy people, especially those who are not afraid to take risks.
Every time that I make a joke, people around me take it seriously. Every time I was serious, they thought I was joking.
Honesty is the most priceless thing a person can give as a gift.
I fervently hope life is not just a joke because I still don’t get it until now.
Life is like a song in a foreign language; despite not knowing what it means, you still love to listen to its melody.
Believe me or not, when I woke up this morning, I had no plans to be excellent. It just happens. It is inevitable.
That butterflies on your stomach moment when you read someone’s status, and you know that it is meant for you.
That breathtaking moment when you accidentally dropped your phone then the headphones became your ultimate saviour.
Having a best friend means having someone to insult each other all the time, and still, no one gets offended.
That miraculous instant when you could find an empty & clean public toilet while having instant diarrhoea.
Nothing makes me happier than finding free and fast WiFi in public places.
It melts my heart when a person remembers the minor details about me.
It’s a glorious moment when you finally find the person who understands you more than you do.
That feeling when you go to the store is quite moody; then your favourite song starts playing.
That instant when you crack a joke, then all of your friends loses their minds and laugh uncontrollably, so you look at them and congratulate yourself because you are now a freaking legend.
Vengeance is wrong. Very wrong. But very satisfying and fun at the same time.
Ever wonder why our language is called the mother tongue? Because the father never gets the opportunity to speak.
Every weekend I don’t fail to work out. And by work out, I mean to walk 20 times to the fridge.
Dearest autocorrect, please stop changing my profane words into good ones—you holy shut.
I think it is a bit cruel, so let me put LOL and a happy emoji at the end of it.
Can someone please teach me how to flip number 3 so I can make a heart emoticon?
People who are saying that money can’t buy happiness are not shopping in the right places.
Don’t you hate it when you are about to hug and kiss someone sexy, then the mirror hits you on your face?
Keep in mind that there are only two words that will open many doors of opportunity for you. Push and Pull.
Nothing is ever as annoying as watching your favourite show, but the TV commercials are longer than the combined air time of what you are watching.
The best thing in class is when you forget to do your homework, but the teacher forgets about it anyway.
It is tough to face your problem when your problem is your face.
They said the money couldn’t buy happiness. Food is my happiness. Money can buy food. Therefore, money can buy my happiness.
I am not single. It’s just that I am too cool to be with someone.
Whenever my brother goes to the bathroom with his phone, I make sure to call his name thirty minutes after to know if he is still alive.
I was finally able to make the recipe for happiness. I am just waiting for someone to give me money so I can buy the ingredients.
You don’t know a person well when you think he is just an average person.
My smile is the best mask I ever used to hide all the suffering I am going through.
I don’t want to survive. I want to live.
Who else needs a day between Sunday and Monday like me?
How I wish all things are like phones so that whenever you lose one of them, all you have to do is give it a ring.
The main difference between your opinion and my food is that I asked for my food.
When life seems to beat you, keep in mind that you were the fastest and strongest sperm.
They said laughter is the best medicine. The sound of your voice must be curing the entire world.
When you are smart, you are smart. When you are great, you are me.
I have a dream. And my dream is to make the onions cry.
Today, I feel lazier than the guy who created the flag of Libya.
Wondering what the safest place to fart is? It’s in the zoo.
Can someone please lend me a loan then leave me alone?
If I don’t buy something, I have enough money to last my lifetime. No. I take it back. Not a lifetime, just for a month.
I have way too many months at the end of my money. Who else does?
The best way to hide a smiling shoe is by doing a moonwalk.
Warning: Please make sure that your tongue I connected to your brain before talking.
God made cousins so that parents could compare our grades.
It is my hobby to take pictures of natural disasters. May I take your photo, please?
When one person is always right, and the other is the husband, it is called marriage.
I don’t permanently lose my phone, but when I do, it is always battery empty.
How do we live life to the fullest when all we do is work hard to make a living?
My attitude depends on what kind of person I am with.