Top 100 Sarcastic Quotes


There are moments when you have to say things sarcastically to emphasize your point or not to hurt ignorant people when you are just so annoyed and want to speak your mind. Sometimes, you do it to annoy other people or tease them or express yourself at that moment. But some sarcastic remarks are hard to think of, so when you want to say something sarcastically but cannot find the right way to do so, here are some sarcastic quotes that might be useful to you.


I want to share a grenade with you so let us do this: you will take the grenade, and I’ll be taking the pin.


This may not be good for you, but I think that those people who laugh last during jokes are the ones who think the slowest.


People say that nothing is ever impossible as long as you put your heart and soul into what you are doing. They have never tried to slam a revolving door.


If you want to save a tree, eat a beaver.

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They say that the grass is always going to be greener on the other side. I assure you the water bill must be higher too.


Knowing is to realize that it is a one-way street and to have wisdom is to see that you need to look in both directions for it.


If you want to learn new things, stop doing it right and start doing it wrong because the best way to learn is from your mistakes.



What is creativity but just knowing the right way to hide the sources you get your ideas from?


I know that everyone has this right to be stupid, but it seems that you are somehow abusing that privilege.


I hope that you never take life seriously because, after all, it is not going to be permanent anyway; you are going to die at some point.


Do you want to know the reason why they say talk is cheap? It is straightforward; supply somehow consistently exceeds the demand.


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Everything you do then becomes everything you have done.


Do you believe in getting in love at first sight? At first fright? Or do I have to walk by you again and frighten you?


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I want to agree with everything you are saying, but I do not want us both to be wrong.


I have lowered all my expectations so much to the very point that almost all of them have been met!


You know, stupidity is not considered a crime, so apparently, you are free to go.



I hope that you never worry about how other people may think of you because they do not do it often anyways.


Nowadays, so many people commit so many mistakes that they decide to name it: experience.


I can almost resist everything; I just kind of fail at resisting temptation.


The blood type of a pessimist seems always to be B-negative.


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It is so hard to beat boiled eggs in the morning, so do not dare attempt it.


They say that if you do not pay money to your exorcist, the chances of getting repossessed are way higher.


When two people with big egos meet, it is an eye for an eye.


Do you know that when a clock gets hungry, it just goes back four seconds?


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If you live your life without geometry, it just becomes pointless.


Sometimes a bicycle can’t stand because it gets two-tired.


Time certainly flies like a sharp-edged arrow. Fruit flies certainly like bananas.


I used to work in a blanket factory before I became who I am today; I was just so unlucky that it folded.

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Sometimes, the very thing I need from you is the one thing you can provide: your absence.


I hope you never try to judge a book by its movie because that is just so sad.


I certainly believe in good luck because otherwise, I cannot find why some of the people I do not like get the success they have.


There are two kinds of calamities: good fortune to other people and bad luck to ourselves.


Experience is truly remarkable, as you can recognize inevitable mistakes when you make them again.


Do you want to know one thing that history teaches men? Once nations have exhausted all other means or alternatives, they tend to behave suitably.

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I am a vegetarian: not because I love animals and cannot take the thought of eating them but rather because I wouldn’t say I like plants and want to diminish their kind.


You do not have to experience much suffering to be a poet because going through adolescence is pretty enough suffering for anyone.


Many people like my advice so much that most of them put it in a frame on the wall instead of just plain using it.


If you become a mother by chance, in the future, is it possible to have one of your puppies?


I certainly do not believe in astrology. The stars that I blame for the failures I get are practically those that walk on the stage.


It is obnoxious to be so cheerful so early in the morning.


I wouldn’t say I liked that play you were in, but I guess my judgement is biased as I saw it in adverse condition: the curtain is up.


You looked good from far away; now you are just so far from ever looking good.


I do not believe that it is possible to share a friendship between a man and a woman. Sure there is enmity, passion, love or even worship, but there would never be friends.


The real issue with her is not that she lacks the power of speech but that she cannot strike up a good conversation even when her words are good enough.


I find that the television can be very educating because every time it is on, I get to go to the other room to read another book.


Note to self: do not be too open-minded. Otherwise, your brain might fall out of its place.


If you want to argue about something, it is unnecessary to understand them.


To be happy, you need to have good health, be selfish and be stupid; if you are not stupid, then forget being happy.


The problem is that there is so much blood in my system that it overpowers the caffeine flowing through my nerves.


We are responsible for every single action that we take unless we are stars or celebrities.


Aerobics arises from Greek words: aero and, by meaning, the ability to withstand a lot of boredom.


Light travels faster than sound, and we all know that from Science 101. But if you think about it deeply, it may also be the reason why most people seems so bright until they start speaking.


No one in this entire world is a virgin because it seems that the world is bound to screw every one of us.


I did try to sniff some coke as they told me to; they never said anything about ice cubes filling my nostrils, though.


So there are nights when I lie awake and ask myself about what I have done wrong. A voice inside my head tells me that it will take more than just one night to list them all.


I do not have any prejudice; I equally hate everyone in this whole damn world.


Some of my opinions have indeed changed over time but what has not changed is the I am still right.


Home is not really where your heart is but a place where the people who live there have the duty to let you in.


Never compare yourself with other people because, as far as they are concerned, they may be more screwed up.

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It is so hard to make someone in life love you; what you can do is keep on stalking them until they cannot take it anymore and give in to you.


It is so weird that people complain that there are no butterflies anymore when they keep on squashing caterpillars because they look ugly.


If it does not fit you, force it to do so. If it suddenly breaks apart, say that it needs to be replaced.


Sometimes the most honest answers are the ones that can get you into trouble.


Try your best to enjoy your life and live it because there will be plenty of time to be dead.


They say that a spoonful of sugar can help the medicine go down your tummy, but it will undoubtedly be a problem if you turn out to be diabetic.


We all know that money cannot buy happiness, but maybe it can somehow rent it.


I believe that horror is far more superior than beauty because it certainly lasts.


No one can boast about morality as it certainly seems that Adam and Even are not married.


The best way to borrow money is from a pessimist because they do not expect to get paid back.


If you copy from a single source, that is plagiarism, but try copying from two, and you can call it research.


A day without the sun is undoubtedly like night.


Do not ever try to give people a piece of your mind unless you are sure you can afford to do so.


Foresight is just actually knowing when to shut your mouth and do it before someone clever thinks of suggesting it to you.


You know you have good friends if you have someone to help you when moving out of your old house to a new one. But really good ones are those that will help you move the bodies.


Life is tough; it becomes extra hard when you are stupid.


Is it so bad that I want to be different just like everyone else do?